It may start innocently enough, but what happens in between and the final product is something I thought I’d been far removed from.
Time for a reality check.
I was late.
To a dental appointment.
I’d had a prior meeting run later than I’d anticipated, leaving me in jeopardy of being late to my dental appointment – something I dislike anyway, made even worse by being late.
When I arrived (I was only 5 minutes late), I was met by the icy and disgusted gazes of the receptionist and a scheduling assistant.
They judged me.
Judged me late? old? ugly? I hadn’t the slightest idea why they judged me – but I knew I had been judged.
Fortunately for me, two of my close friends worked in two separate dental offices and told me of the types of dysfunction that reign in dental offices. Every day! And they corroborated each other’s views – this IS what happens in nearly all dental offices, especially if they have a very high female-to-male ratio. If this doesn’t happen at your dental office, you should feel very blessed!
Unbeknownst to the rest of us who have never worked in a dental office, these workers often dissect patients who come in for appointments and discuss them with each other, sometimes for hours after the patient has left.
If they don’t have a lot of money, they talk about that.
If they have some kind of deformity, they talk about that.
If they seem to have an attitude, they talk about that.
If they aren’t pretty or handsome, they talk about that (besides what would make them look better).
It happens every day in their world. So often and badly does this happen, that one of my friends didn’t want me to deliver something to her at her office for fear they would start talking about me behind my back while I was still there, even though I wasn’t a patient. My friend said she wanted to spare me their insults.
It’s a running litany that changes every day with the patient roster for these workers. Who’s come in? What’s their problem? Can they pay their bill? Can’t they change their hair to look better? Talk-trash. Belly-ache.
I’d registered the smirk on the face of the scheduling assistant today as I walked in. I didn’t like it. I don’t know what she found offensive in me in the short span of time since my appearance inside their doorway, but it was plain to see that I disgusted her and that she found me disdainfully amusing.
That’s when I made the mistake.
On my way out, I would have to BE WITH the scheduling assistant who’d dismissed me coming in.
I decided to give her my own version of her disdain by staring back at her, irritatingly, while she did her job: scheduling my next appointment. I put her under my own scrutiny.
I’m not proud to say this; in fact, I’m quite disgusted with myself for doing this, but at the time, it didn’t even register with me. I was protective of myself.
After I left their office and got into my car, it hit me: Crap! I’d just modeled a behavior I detested right back to the giver of it in the first place. Hadn’t I learned this ages ago? “Be” the model you wish for in the world.
What was it I was trying to accomplish by being this way to her? There was nothing to be gained. She wouldn’t understand what I was doing or why. I was mirroring her own attitude toward me.
It was a competition between us: her vs. me. Who won? Why would I think it’s a competition anyway? Why would anyone want to win this kind of competition? It was all ridiculous! I had just lost a competition I didn’t know I was in until it was too late.
Instead of being open and questioning her icy stare verbally, I’d bought into the competition – and into their own dysfunction!
And I had insider information on dental office dysfunction.
Now I have a better plan for my next appointment: Smile.
Be curious; if I get the stare again, I’ll ask what’s going on.
Be inviting to the dance.
Be forgiving.
Be apologetic about the last appointment.
But in any event, acknowledge my own participation in today’s appointment fiasco. I’m aware that I will get judged harshly for this, but it is better to be my own judge. I don’t want to fall into the trap of emulating something I know is wrong.
I’m not any better than anyone else. Sometimes, I pretend that I am, though, and that, in itself, is the first step into the area of mistake and dysfunction.
Why do we do this? Compete with each other for no reason at all? What are we trying to sell to each other? Infallibility?
Why can we not understand that each of us is a soul trying to navigate a complex life right now? If we seek to be even on this level, surely, it should flatten out to cover over our multitude of errors with each other and, thus, construct forgiveness.
But we don’t apologize when we’re in error, and we hold it against the very people we work with every day.
Help us see without error and enter into this life together without error. Help us see each other with mercy, even when no mercy is extended toward us in the first place.
Forgive. Be “good.” Give “good.” Live together.
Don’t follow my example today.
Be good to one another. We have to live together!
