This is part of a series originally created on LinkedIn, which calls to mind some of the solutions people may have for employees who don’t seem to work well in our organizations. We’re tempted to call them “Difficult Colleagues.” We might be tempted to dismiss or try to fix these colleagues, but we might need to turn this thinking around.
Might not the reverse be the case? Could WE be the Difficult Colleagues instead? If we are, wouldn’t you like to help others understand you and your strengths before they dismiss or “fix” you? Why don’t we give others the same consideration we would give ourselves?
Understanding that we might be wrong is a possibility that we don’t usually consider, as we are usually the heroes in every story we tell.
Let’s think differently about our teammates and ourselves so that we can identify our own potential bias problems before taking unnecessary actions against coworkers who want to contribute their best to our collective work.
For the previous posts in the series, click here:
- Difficult Colleagues? Introduction to the Series
- Difficult Colleagues? Possibility 1 – Paradigm Shifters
- Difficult Colleagues? Possibility 2 – Gender Behavioral Differences
- Difficult Colleagues? Possibility 3 – Fundamental Attribution Error
- Difficult Colleagues? Possibility 4 – Conversational ‘Un’Intelligence
- Difficult Colleagues? Possibility 5 – Company Culture Unfit
- Difficult Colleagues? Possibility 6 – Personal History/Family of Origin
We’ve viewed the following scenarios in this series to get rid of faulty thinking – our own faulty thinking:
1. Paradigm Shifters – these people help us focus on possible new, bright futures. Paradigm Shifters are priceless! They see the possible “what ifs” to create brand new innovation and revenue streams. Our problem is that we don’t recognize them for who they are – they don’t fit our mold, so we cast them aside as Difficult Colleagues. Learn to spot and value these awesome people!
2. Gender Behavioral Differences – our own gender behavior biases make us think others are Difficult Colleagues. Don’t allow your perception of how someone “should” or “shouldn’t” act to color your thoughts about them. We’ve gotten in our own way on this issue – we’re definitely better about this than a decade ago, especially since we’ve added other LGBTQ+ to gender thinking, but we still have a long way to go.
3. Fundamental Attribution Error – our bent to attribute negative character flaws to others in situations, while making ourselves seem innocent or having a bad day in the same situations. Remember to tell yourself at least three different scenarios about a colleague’s behaviors before you make snap judgments about them. Snap judgments are the easy way out (Thinking Fast, instead of Slow). Please – talk to your coworkers. Ask them how they are doing when you feel that something is a bit “off.” Be the one who helps them. They might desperately need your help, but are afraid to ask for it, especially if your company culture is unfit to discuss trust issues. However, please don’t relegate them to Difficult Colleague status because you don’t understand their situation. Be human and humane. You are doing both of you a favor in this.
4. Conversational “Un”Intelligence – learn to regulate brain neurochemicals in conversations. Understand when we’ve dumped “bad” neurochemicals into our conversations and then learn how to turn the discussion around with “good” ones. Ask questions of yourself inside the interaction, if you’re able to: “Did this conversation just turn dark? How can I lighten it up again?” Be curious – it is one of your best options before a conversation goes completely awry. Use your curiosity to build goodness back into the conversation. Bad conversations can be reversed if we allow curiosity to rule our days instead of thinking that other people are Difficult Colleagues because you don’t think the same way they do. However, this takes practice and often occurs inside the worst of situations, so we must be diligent in asking these kinds of questions of ourselves, even going aloud with them inside the conversation, if you feel led to. Take the practice and become better at discerning the type of discussions you’re having, and start to turn your conversations around.
5. Company Culture Unfit – recognize when your organization’s current culture isn’t ready to address a Trust issue. Figure out ways to collaboratively create more trust. An organization that doesn’t include its front-line workers in these discussions is doomed to repeat its failures and remain untrustworthy—and immature. Being vulnerable with each other means working together to create a culture robust enough to have good, healthy discussions about the current state of the company’s culture. Then, explore and work on the fixes together. But don’t dismiss a colleague because they see the flaws that you don’t.
6. Personal History/Family of Origin – learn about each other, especially in your dominant teams. Learn what has made each employee who they are today. Be kind and compassionate – we’ve all had to weather many storms in our lives. Give others the gift of understanding, of “seeing” them, of coming alongside them in life, and in your combined work together. They are continuing to evolve in their lives, just as you are.
You share an extraordinary journey inside your organization. Labeling people as “Difficult Colleagues” is the easy way out. Trying to manage their ways or getting rid of them entirely makes organizations unfit for the next level of business. These are leftover tactics from former ways of managing organizations. They are “scarcity mindset” ways of doing business. Things we SHOULD be asking ourselves are:
- Why not find out what makes these coworkers tick?
- What are the BEST things they do?
- Can we move people into areas where they might succeed better?
- Are we missing their genius?
- Are WE the problem instead?
We’ve demeaned and damaged others long enough. We do this to puff ourselves up as if we were infallible, and we’re dismissing them (we think) to make the organization run better. This should not be so.
We should not be following the playbook we’ve had for the last century or more. It’s time for the newer types of organizations to move into the foreground, ones that value every person at every level of the organization. Allow a renewed sense of excellence to permeate your organization by being vulnerable yourself and teaching others to do the same – it’s the sweet fragrance that will undergird the creation of your very best teams and enable you to move into the future with greater confidence.
Organizations where none are faulted, and all are valued.
When this happens, the team’s synergy is energizing and ebullient. Everyone knows where they stand – everyone is at the center of the entire organization.
You can read more scenarios and explore how to help your team mature from reading my Substack at https://substack.com/@margaretricci – Look for the Teaming icon.